A Father's Love
by your candy perfume girl
Summary: The one thing Serena wants from her father is love. Warning: mild language.


Disclaimer- Law & Order is owned by Dick Wolf, a very rich man. I can imagine the bad PR he would get if he ever decided to have this pitiful teenage girl arrested. He'd be shunned, and I'd be scorned. Let's just all live in harmony, okay? I promise to return them, and I also promise to return my interpretation of Grace Standish to James E. Reilly.

Spoilers- Blaze (Season 14), kind of. Sort of. Actually, not really. Only if you consider "elevator advice" spoilers.

A/N- I don't really know much about Tennis or Soccer, so I apologize if I've screwed anything up in this story. I also don't know what the weather was like in New York City during late October of 1989. Also, Rockingham Day School is the school that Emily Millius (the dead girl) from "Mother's Day" went to, and Riverdale is the one of the competing schools in "Kid Pro Quo". I think that's it.

Dedication- To Kay, my best friend. Thanks for letting me insert you in! Okay, you demanded it, but I love you anyway. ;)

*~*~*~*~*

In New York and the other Mid-Atlantic States, it's fairly uncommon to find 80-degree weather in late October.

In 1989, though, the fairly uncommon took place, much to many's dismay, and many's delight.

Serena Southerlyn was the former. Her gym teacher was the latter.

A freshman at Rockingham Day School, a private girl's school on Park Avenue, Serena normally enjoyed the warm weather. Summer was actually her favorite time of the year. But this warm weather meant that her gym teacher, Mrs. Wilson, could now squeeze in that unit on soccer that she had originally thought they wouldn't have time to do.

Soccer was on Serena's top ten list of things that she hated, along with her parents' snobby socialite acquaintances, techno music, and quiche. Not only were there too many names for individual positions on the field, but you had to run around kicking a ball that almost never made it into the stupid goal thanks to the girls who would bite your head off if you didn't back off the ball.

But Mrs. Wilson apparently didn't share Serena's views on the sport. So second period found Serena and her classmates on the Rockingham soccer field beneath the hot sun. It took a few minutes to sort everybody into teams and positions, but the game finally began.

The ball being battled over at the opposite side of the field, Serena decided to go over to talk to her best friend and fellow "back", Danica Campbell. The two girls had been best friends since the first grade at Riverdale. Danica was the shy, reserved one. She had a somewhat Greek look to her, with olive skin, light brown hair, and green eyes the color of celery. She was tall, too, around 5'7" and not yet fourteen, something that Serena was very envious of. Serena, also not quite fourteen, was barely 5'3". She had begun to prepare herself for her bleak, petite future. Danica, ever hopeful, pointed out that Serena could still grow to be even taller than Danica herself, but Serena knew that only a miracle disguised as a growth spurt could help her.

"Can you believe that we only have one more tennis match left this season?" Danica asked in dismay. The two girls were both on the school tennis team, and were considered to be valuable assets.

"I know!" Serena moaned. "At least my mother won't be able to fuss over me anymore," she said, shuddering involuntarily as she remembered last week's match. Her mother had kept fussing over her hair ribbons and how short her skirt was.

"It's because you're the baby of the family," Danica said wisely. "Christine's graduating from Florida State in the spring, Nick's a sophomore at Virginia, and Ethan's sixteen now. She's losing her babies, so she's clinging onto you because you're the only one she has left."

"Yeah, well, I didn't ask to be the youngest, did I?" Serena grumbled as she squinted across the field were Anna Braxton and Ashley James were both trying to gain control of that damn ball.

Danica just smiled at her friend, silently thankful that she was a middle child. Aloud, she changed the subject. "Is your dad coming tomorrow? He hasn't been to a game all season, and it's the last game!"

Serena bit her lip, something she did whenever she was uncomfortable. Luckily, the ball had come over her way, and she dashed over to get it, yelling over her shoulder. "I don't know if he's coming or not. I'll ask him when he gets home tonight."

"He won't come," Grace Standish, the biggest bitch in the entire class, a "striker" for the opposing team, and a member of the tennis team, commented. "My sister Jacqueline was in Christine Southerlyn's class, and he never came to her swim team meets either, or Nick Southerlyn's football games. Tell me Serena, is he really always that busy, or does he just not give a damn about you?"

What happened next happened so fast and so suddenly, that when the story was told and retold for the rest of that week, nobody was able to get the details quite right. But what had apparently happened was that Serena had gained possession of the ball, and had sent the ball slamming with all 105 pounds of her, right into Grace Standish's nose.

Grace screamed, crimson blood dripping out of her nose and onto her gym clothes, and beneath her perfect, French manicured nails. Mrs. Wilson came running onto the field blowing her whistle, signaling the five girls who were still fighting over the ball to stop.

"I think it's broken!" Grace wailed, in pain, but still clearly enjoying all the attention she was getting.

"Gosh, Grace, I'm so sorry!" Serena exclaimed in a fake sweet voice. "I guess I didn't see you there, but with such a big nose like that, I don't know how I could have..."

"That's enough!" Mrs. Wilson snapped at Serena. To Grace, she said, "It's not broken, but it'll be sore for a few days." She looked around at the rest of the class, who had all gathered around to see if Grace was okay. "Okay, ladies, let's go in and change now," she said in a voice that meant, "Okay, show's over!"

Serena began to walk back with Danica, but was stopped by Mrs. Wilson.

"Miss Southerlyn," Mrs. Wilson said, "hold on just a second. You can go on, Miss Campbell," she said to Danica over her shoulder. Danica shot Serena a look that said, "I'm sorry," and then ran off to the locker rooms.

"Miss Southerlyn," Mrs. Wilson began again, "you'll have to control yourself from now on, you hear me? You can't go smacking soccer balls into girl's noses just because they annoy you. Your sister Christine would never have done that, angel that she is."

"I'm sorry," Serena mumbled, clearly not sorry.

"You'll have to tell that to Miss Standish. Go ahead and get dressed now. Oh, and Miss Southerlyn?" she said, calling Serena back for a minute.

"Yes ma'am?"

"If you ever decide you want to join the soccer team, we could use someone with aim like you." Mrs. Wilson said.

Serena wasn't sure, but she could have sworn that she'd seen a grin on Mrs. Wilson's face as she ran off to get changed.

*~*~*~*~*

It was nearly seven-thirty when Serena's father arrived home from work that day. She, her parents, and her brother had all eaten dinner together, and then her father went to his study to do some more work, while her brother disappeared somewhere and her mother read another Harlequin in the living room.

Serena stood in the doorway of her father's study, studying her father's figure, bent over paperwork, as usual.

James Nicholas Southerlyn, Jr., was a man whose simple presence demanded attention. Whenever he entered a room, no matter how loud the chatter had been before, it became dead silent once he entered. He'd had that effect for as long as Serena could remember.

James worked in a firm on Wall Street. Exactly what he did Serena wasn't quite sure of, but whatever it was she knew it was important. More important, she sometimes thought, then their own family.

Serena had never known her father to take off from work, except for mass on Sundays, Christmas, and Easter. He even worked on Labor Day and Thanksgiving, and on vacation in the summer. In fact, when his own sister, Susanne, and her husband and eight year old son had died three years earlier in a car accident, he took off from work only enough time to go to the funeral. That was the type of man that James Southerlyn was. Devoted to his job, to making money, to climbing the social and economic ladder.

Devoted to everything except his wife and children.

But Serena would never admit any of this to herself. She knew that somewhere, deep down in her father's heart, there was a special place for her brothers, sister, and herself.

"May I help you with something?" James Southerlyn had finally noticed his daughter's presence, and stood to his full height of 6'5". He was a handsome man still, at fifty-two years old. His hair had grayed to a soft gray color in his age, and the eyes that he had passed to his youngest daughter had dimmed a bit, but his good looks had not left him yet.

All of this intimidated Serena even more.

"Um, well, you see, um," Serena stammered out nervously.

"'Um' is not a word, Serena," James reprimanded in his lawyer's voice that he usually saved for the courtroom.

"I'm sorry," Serena mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

"Look at me when you speak to me. When you don't meet a person's gaze it implies that you are afraid of them, and you will never get anything accomplished in life if people think that you're afraid of them. Do you understand me?"

"Yes sir," Serena said clearly, meeting his stony eyes.

"Good. Now, what was it you wanted to see me about?"

"Well, as you know, I'm on the tennis team at school. Tomorrow's our last match of the season, and I was wondering if you could come. You haven't come to a match all year."

James sighed. "Serena, please do not tell me that you just interrupted my work to bug me about some silly tennis match."

"It's not just some silly tennis match," Serena said defensively. "It would mean a lot to me if you would come."

"And it would have meant a lot to me if your mother would pick a paint color for our room that she likes, or if Christine had gone to a state school, or if Nick would be a lawyer rather than a cop, or if Ethan would realize that having a car in New York City is asinine. But that's not going to happen, is it?"

"Well, with all due respect, I'm not asking you to fly to the Florida Keys and find me the yellow spotted lizard. I just want you to go to one tennis match, tomorrow, for one hour, at six o'clock at the Rockingham tennis courts. Please?"

James sighed, realizing that his daughter wasn't going to back off. "I'm not making any promises," he warned, "but I'll do my best to be there."

Serena squealed in delight and gave her father a big hug and kiss. "Thank you!" she cried, and then left her father behind in his study with a confused look on his face, closing the door behind her.

Serena was so happy she was practically bouncing off the walls, and nearly knocked her brother over in the hallway as she ran back to her room to call Danica.

"What's got you so excited?" Ethan asked as he rubbed his side where Serena had run into him.

"Daddy said he'd go to my tennis match tomorrow!" Serena said excitedly.

Ethan snorted and rolled his eyes.

"What?" Serena asked, confused.

"You actually believed him?" Ethan asked. "I always knew you were stupid, but I didn't know you were _that_ stupid."

"Yes, I believed him," Serena said huffily. She was rapidly descending from cloud nine, faster and faster.

"My God, Serena!" Ethan exclaimed. "The man doesn't give a damn about anything but his work, and you know it!"

"That's not true!" Serena cried defensively. "He loves Christine and Nick and you and me very much!"

Ethan's voice grew louder with each passing moment. "Oh please! He never went to any of Christine's swim meets, or Nick's football games, or my baseball games. He never played sports with me or Nick, or dolls with you or Christine. He never took us to the movies, or the park, or bothered to meet our friends or our teachers. He never bothered to get to know us, his own children! He never spent any quality time with us because he never wanted to! All he cares about is his work and money!"

"What's going on here?" Bridget Southerlyn had heard her children arguing and had come to see what the hullabaloo was about.

Serena shot her older brother a hateful look through the tears that were already cascading down her face, and then ran off to her room.

"Ethan?" Bridget asked, clearly wanting an answer.

"It was nothing, mom." Ethan said, shaking the whole affair off.

"Then why was your sister crying? What did you say to her Ethan?"

"Nothing!"

"Don't tell me nothing!"

"Did you know," Ethan said through clenched teeth, pointing at his father's study, "that _he_ told Serena he was going to her tennis match tomorrow?"

"No. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything!" Ethan exploded. "You know damn well that he won't go to her match! He's just setting her up for a fall!"

Bridget flinched as her son cursed. "Ethan, lower your voice," she whispered. "Look, you don't know if your father will come or not. He loves you children very much."

"Sure he does," Ethan muttered as he went to his room and slammed his door.

Bridget sighed and went back to the living room to finish her book.

Serena, meanwhile, had heard every word that her mother and brother had exchanged. Tears fell down her face as she leaned against the door. "He'll come," she whispered to herself. "I know he will."

*~*~*~*~*

The next day seemed to go by torturously slow for Serena. World History was first, with the Greeks, Romans, Egyptians, and all of those groups that had lived in Mesopotamia that she could never keep straight. It seemed to her that it would be so easy if they could just combine them all into "Mesopotamians", but she realized that that would be too easy. Next was Gym, where Mrs. Wilson seemed to have abandoned soccer, and moved on to volleyball. Serena had to restrain herself from spiking the volleyball into Grace's nose again. It turned out that she didn't have to after all, since Kelly Murray hit Grace in the nose, Grace's second hit in two days. Third period was Biology, and something about hydrogen bonding, which sounded Greek to Serena. Staying awake was an epic struggle.

Fourth was English, where the class read Homer's "The Odyssey" aloud. Serena hated reading aloud, since so many girls had to struggle to pronounce "Odysseus" and "Telemachus". Fifth was Latin, a torturous experience in it's own. She often felt that if she had to conjugate one more Latin verb or translate another sentence in Latin she'd scream. Finally, Geometry came. How sentences like "If it rains, then the road will be wet," came to be part of Geometry, she would never understand.

When the bell rang at three-thirty, Serena was so happy to be out of school that she practically ran all the way home. She tried to concentrate on her Latin homework once there, but she was so hyped-up about the match she couldn't.

Five o'clock finally came, and Bridget, Serena, and Ethan all headed to Rockingham Day School to get ready for the match. Serena watched the minutes tick by on her watch, but there was still no sign of her father.

"Serena, darling, hold still while I fix your ribbon," Bridget soothed as she fussed with Serena's ribbons nervously.

"Mother!" Serena moaned. "Stop it, you're embarrassing me!"

"I'm sorry dear," Bridget said as she eyed the hemline on her daughter's skirt. "That skirt really is too short dear. I'm going to have to talk to the Headmistress about it."

"Mom, no!" Serena cried. "None of the other moms are hovering like you are!"

"I'm not the other mothers, Serena."

"I know that! But still, you never fussed with Christine's bathing suit, or Nick and Ethan's hair! They'd be embarrassed too, you know."

"I know, I'm sorry," Bridget said as the whistle signaling the beginning of the first match blew. "I love you, baby! I know you'll do well!" Bridget said as she planted a kiss on Serena's cheek, planting the cherry on top of Serena's sundae of embarrassment.

"She left _lipstick_ on my cheek!" Serena gasped, furiously wiping the offending scarlet color off of her cheek. "Is it gone?" she asked Danica.

"Yeah, it's all gone," Danica replied, thankful that her own mother wasn't as bad as Bridget Southerlyn. "Come on, we've gotta sit down now."

The two girls sat down with their team as Jennifer Grant's match started off first. Serena anxiously looked out of the court to see if her father was hurrying onto the grounds somewhere, but she couldn't see him.

Jennifer's match ended victoriously, and with every passing girl Serena became more and more nervous that her father would miss her match. Serena was the ninth girl to go out of the fifteen girls. Danica was before her, and Grace before Danica.

Grace's match began before Serena knew it. Grace had a bandage on her swollen nose; obviously trying to milk her situation for all that it was worth. Her opponent apparently saw this as a weakness, because she sent the tennis ball flying right into Grace's nose, causing Grace to start wailing again and her nose to start bleeding. Danica and Serena rolled their eyes as the doctor went out to examine Grace's nose. Apparently she was fine, but Grace had to forfeit the match because of all the blood.

Danica was up next. Serena's eyes scanned the crowd for her father, but she still couldn't see him.

The whistle ending Danica's match blew, and Serena was up. Taking her position on the court, she surveyed the crowd once more. No James.

Tears stung her eyes, but she hastily brushed them away. How stupid could she be, actually believing that he'd come? It was just like Ethan said - James didn't give a shit about his children. Fury replaced her disappointment, and once the whistle blew Serena took her anger out on the ball. 

The ball flew from side to side, back and forth. Her opponent - Amy something - was good, no denying it. But Serena had anger, fury, and rage on her side, and with every last ounce of energy she had she sent the ball zooming so fast that Amy-something didn't even see the ball until it had bounced twice, and Amy-something had lost.

Danica and their teammates congratulated Serena while Grace sulked at the other end of the bench. But it all meant nothing to Serena.

The remaining six matches went by, and before Serena knew it the season was over, Rockingham had won, and James still had not shown up.

"You were amazing sweetie!" Bridget cried, giving her daughter a huge hug.

"Yeah, whatever," Serena mumbled.

"What's the matter?" Bridget asked.

Looking at Ethan, Serena whispered, "You were right. Happy?"

Ethan shook his head as he saw the anger and disappointment in his baby sister's eyes. "I didn't want to be right, you know."

Bridget looked from her son to her daughter, and realized what they were talking about. "Serena, I'm sure your father has a good reason for not making it tonight. You know that he loves you both so very much." Inside, though, Bridget was cursing her husband for the hurt that he'd put their children through. She'd seen her children's accomplishments become meaningless to them so many times because it was obvious to them that their accomplishments were meaningless to their father.

"Look, how about we go get some ice cream, okay? To celebrate an end to a glorious season."

"Sure," Serena replied without enthusiasm.

Bridget looked back and forth between her children. "Okay then, let's go!" she said, trying to be cheerful.

As they left, Serena made a silent promise to herself. She promised herself that she would work harder and longer, no matter the cost. She would be the best at anything and everything thing that she could. And no matter what, she would do what her brothers and sisters had failed to do. She would make her father love her.

End

A/N- The little purple button loves being clicked! (That means that reviews are very much welcomed.)


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